The Roof is on Fire

We live in one of those “green” houses.  Really. It was a selling point on the original flyer (which I still have neatly placed away in a yellow folder labeled ‘House’).  The flyer said that the owner went to great lengths (i.e. new windows and expensive insulation) in order to efficiently heat/cool the house.  He must have done a good job – our HVAC rarely runs.  Compare that to my parent’s house.  I think it must take 3 HVAC systems, 2 wood stoves, and a matching pink scarf and glove set to keep warm in the winter, and in the summer… ugh, don’t get me started.  There’s no escaping it.  Of course growing up, we didn’t know any better.  I didn’t know that my organs were being slow roasted in the crock pot also known as the upstairs of my parents house BY CHOICE.  That wasn’t until my sister and I were old enough to visit other friends’ houses, whose parents keep their household at a very comfortable 72 degrees.  Whoever invented the genius that is the HVAC system was either (a) a woman or (b) had lots of sisters who owned hairdryers.  It is physically impossible to dry your hair during the summertime when at 6am, it’s already 82 degrees inside with 100% humidity.  It’s torture.  Maybe I should write my congressman and suggest that method for murderers, thieves, etc.  It’s gotta be worse than jail.  If you don’t believe me, look at my yearbook pictures from ages 13-17. You can’t get that hair by accident. Let me say, however, just in case mom reads this, that being a homeowner now I totally understand (ok that may be a little much…. I sort of understand).  It’s expensive.  It’s VERY expensive.  Especially if my entire house could fit in the laundry room of theirs.  So I get it.  (Of course, to cut down on expenses I think I would sacrifice TV, food, and maybe even my oldest daughter (just kidding sis) if I were them, not a few degrees on the thermostat… but hey, I’m not them).

So, knowing all of the aforesaid items, it’s pretty obvious and hilarious that still today I have dreams about this experience as a result. This time, I was in the inferno part of parents’ house (I mean the upstairs) and I was holding a garden hose.  My brother-in-law was there, and so was an Indian co-worker of mine, and they were looking at me like I was CRAZY. Of course, I was spraying the ceilings with the water hose…. Like they were completely soaking wet. I sprayed my old room and my sister’s old room.  That’s where the dream ended.  I woke up this morning and kind of laughed at my dream.  I knew exactly what I was doing. It doesn’t take Freud to piece this one together.  I have subconsciously been terrified that as a result of the scorching heat inside my parent’s house, I thought the roof was going to catch on fire. I was just trying to help.